Saturday, October 31, 2009

the halloween equivalent of a lump of coal...

i was browsing the bonappetit website and came across this lovely little list...

The 10 Worst Halloween Candies of All Time

1. Candy Corn. This candy also made my list of The 10 Best Halloween Candies. But hear me out: The holiday's superlative sweet will quickly turn against you if you dare consume more than five.  And you will.  Forget all the sultry French Maids strolling about--these are Halloween's true femme fatales.  

2. Circus Peanuts - It's easy to think of these as the ultimate Halloween candy because they're orange, they have a fun shape, and they were enjoyed by your grandparents' grandparents' grandparents. Do not be fooled. These aberrations are not even flavored as peanuts, but as bananas. The only similarity this candy has to peanuts is their shape--the empty shell that covers seedy roadhouse bar floors and supplies the manufacture of wallboard. This is pretty much how circus peanuts taste as well: like wallboard soaked in artificial banana flavoring. The only likely circus association is the bygone freak show, where I imagine the Circus Peanut was displayed amongst other worldly anomalies like the four-headed goat and conjoined bearded lady, taunted by children, and perhaps pelted with real peanuts.  And though they've stood the test of time, so have Palmetto bugs.  

3. Raisins.  You may think you're helping to neutralize widespread early-onset diabetes by handing out raisins on Halloween. But raisins are mostly sugar.  That, combined with their sticky, enamel-clinging consistency, and you've created a veritable fairground for bacteria.   Kids' teeth will decay alongside your popularity.  Everybody loses.

4. Smarties. These are on the worst list, not because kids don't enjoy tiny discs of pure sugar, but because for every five pounds of candy a kid collects, two pounds will be Smarties.  Also, these days there are hundreds of YouTube videos of kids demonstrating how to "smoke Smarties" by crushing them up and inhaling the powder.  We cannot endorse this insanity.

5. Necco Wafers. Necco Wafers are like the Smarties of 1847, when the nation's scientists were still figuring out fun and flavor.  They look like slivers of sidewalk chalk, but don't taste quite as good.

6. Werther's Original. The original butterscotch sucker is not to be confused with those legions of sad sack counterfeit Werther's imitators.  Just kidding, there are none.  This is because candy manufacturers are interested in profit, and not some fallacious nostalgia to which adults feel little connection, let alone their kids.

7. Plain Hershey's.  Kids might not care much for cacao percentage or bean origin, but they do care about boringness.

8. Dum Dum Pops.  Have you noticed that Dum Dum rhymes with humdrum?  Though these lollipops are the exact size and shape of Bob Barker's microphone from when he hosted The Price Is Right, kids generally lost interest after his retirement.

9. Milk Duds. Consider it a red flag when a food item puts "dud" right in its name.

10. Tootsie Rolls.  Are these supposed to taste like chocolate!?  It's trick or treat, not both.  Give me a candy I can use!

happy halloween!

Thursday, October 29, 2009

social suicide hallway...

today i went to the byuh library, which used to be the hub for student activity during the week...and i have to say say, that out of the 70 some odd computers that sat in the main area, i recognized ZERO of the people on them. i am old. and out of touch with the current student body. i can't say that it bothered me, and it probably allowed me to become much more productive than i would have been before, when it was easy to be distracted by seeing people that i knew.

but then again, it is a little depressing to pass by the study rooms and not have nate fishler doing something random, or to not have the piranha house boys huddled around a computer watching a surf video on youtube. and sometimes, i have to admit, i miss the awkwardness of social suicide hallway, where you see someone that you know at the other end, and then you wave and say hi too soon, but then it's awkward for the next twenty feet as you're still heading towards each other?

i love it. awkward moments define my life.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

the afterboom...and a shameless plug

i have been fervently searching jobs on craigslist, updating my resume, and tweeking my cover letter ever so slightly for each particular job so that someone, somewhere will want to hire me.  and as many of you may already know, i have gotten one little portland.  i also might be cooking for this group of people who need someone 4 days a week until the end of november. 

more updates as the job search unfolds...

until then, make sure you go out and buy a copy of all the apparatus' new full length cd, 'lawless seas' on itunes or through any of their dashing band members!

here's a taste:

Sunday, October 18, 2009

the price of libel and other such accusations...

apparently my readership stretches farther than i ever would have imagined.  and on friday i met the consequences of that influence.  am i sorry that i posted what i did?  not in the least.  i am a firm believer in both freedom of speech and lack of censorship.  i stand by everything that i post and am not willing to compromise any of its contents simply because they make someone else feel uncomfortable.  am i not allowed to have my own opinions?  while i realize that this is a public forum, this is also my outlet for when i am feeling frustrated.  in addition, it is comforting to know that when i post, others respond to it.  whether they have gone through the same thing and are empathizing with what i am feeling, or if it ruffles their feathers, isn't that what good journalism is all about?   and to be honest, if you don't like what you see, don't read it...and kiss my ass.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

dear ann/abby or anyone else that will listen...

to whom it may concern:

i am having a major problem with a co-worker of mine. she is always trying to make me look bad and to take all the credit for projects that i have done, but if something goes wrong, she makes sure that i automatically get blamed. when she started off working with the company, she was all buddy buddy with me, trying to be super nice, but i was always hesitant. my instincts were telling me to look out for her, and i was right. she snoops on my computer and bad mouths me to our bosses (who happen to be her parents in law). so now i am stuck working every day in a VERY small office with a person who is clearly trying to make sure that i am eliminated. i am about two seconds away from punching this girl in the face each time that i see her, but i am more concerned that i have to go to work every day in a toxic environment.

i guess the question i am posing to you is: how should i deal with this situation? i can't tell my bosses, because they will just ask her about it, and she will most likely lie. plus, she is family, and even though i have been working for the company for much MUCH longer, they will most likely be loyal to her. plus, i don't want to be a tattle tale and stoop to her level. i need a mature way to deal with this situation...otherwise it's 'pow! straight to the moon', which may be satisfying in the moment, but it will not produce the outcome i would prefer.


eternally frustrated and under-appreciated

Monday, October 5, 2009

delicious dishes...

if you love to cook as much as i do, then you might enjoy this blog...

great pictures.

great recipes.

sassy commentary.

love it.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

help name the pup!

we have narrowed it down to mischka or juneau, what do you think?

is she a juneau?

or is she a mischka?

Thursday, October 1, 2009

why i love my friends...

they make my life better by sending me text messages such as the following:

"True story! This flight attendant had a lady on her plane with a chihuahua and the dog was going all crazy and then suddenly was quiet. so she goes back to see what was going on and the owner was breast feeding her dog! So sick!"

after i got done throwing up, i had to admit, that was pretty damn funny.